Befuddled, Bemused and Bewildered
by Mertz
Summary: Princess Allura hosts a celebration dinner for the Voltron Force


This story has an interesting background that I'll finish explaining at the bottom of the page as not to wreck the story for anyone. _**DON'T CHEAT**_ and look in advance. I know a few of you will be tempted. LOL

Until next time,

Mertz

I make no claims to Voltron or any WEP properties.

 _ **Befuddled, Bemused and Bewildered**_

"Paarrrty!" Lance sings as he dances his way down the hallway.

Rolling his eyes, Keith says, "Settle down, Lance. The party isn't for a couple of hours yet."

"It's a celebration, Keith," Lance retorts, never missing a step. "We've earned it. Quit being such a killjoy."

"Besides," Pidge interjects, "It's the first real meal we'll have had for months. Isn't that worth celebrating?"

"I do!" Hunk agrees while rubbing his stomach. "I'm sick of Garrison rations. We've lived off them for the last six months."

Keith has to agree, even if he doesn't say so. They haven't had a decent meal since they left Earth. While Garrison rations keep them alive, they're hardly satisfying. For the first time since the party was announced, Keith feels his anticipation rising. A little food, some relaxation. After all the battles the last few months, they've earned it. His mind flits to security. He'll check with Coran one more time before heading to dinner to ensure everything is in place. No need to give Lotor an opportunity.

"Besides," Sven adds, pulling Keith's mind back to the present, "Princess Allura has lured back her old nanny to cook for us. I still can't believe how well the harvest went, despite Lotor's attempts to destroy all the crops. Finally, some true Arusian food. It'll be fun to sample some of the culture."

"Don't forget the musicians," Lance adds. "Dinner…dancing! Paarrrty!" He spins around, jumps up and fist pumps the air, "Tonight will be the best night ever!"

"Don't blow it all before the party starts," Keith says. He glances at his watch, "Finish up your assigned tasks for the day then get cleaned up and dressed for the party. Full dress uniforms." He ignores the groans from his men, "I'll check in with Coran. Meet in the formal dining room at seventeen hundred."

He turns down the next hallway and away from his men before they can complain any more. Keith has his own task list to complete before the party.

xxxxxxxxxx

Her eyes move over the room, everything needs to be perfect. The red velvet drapes at the door leading to the wide, double windows are better than Princess Allura thought they'd be when Nanny was working on them. While she mourned the loss of her mother's dresses, she can't complain about the results. The matching table cloth on the dining room table, complete with a gorgeous floral center piece, gleamed with the royal family china. She still can't believe how much has survived the invasions.

Then again, her father was a planner and he most definitely planned for the invasion. They found a hidden vault full of family heirlooms only a few days ago. A pity her father didn't foresee what else would happen the day Doom attacked. That thought causes a frown on Allura's beautiful face along with a crease in her forehead.

"Stop frowning, it causes wrinkles."

Allura turns to find her governess entering the room using the door leading to the kitchen, carrying a silver serving dish. Smiling at the older woman, Allura replies, "Sorry Nanny. I was thinking about something and it reminded me of sad times."

"Oh child," Nanny says while setting the dish on the serving table, "it doesn't pay to dwell on the past. Think about the future."

"Thanks to the boys, we have a future." Allura clasps her hands together, "That's why I want tonight to be perfect, they deserve it."

"Those hoodlums? We'll be lucky if they know what a fork and knife are for."

Allura shakes her head, "Now Nanny, they've been good to us. We wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for them. Coran was right. We need to celebrate our successes and the Voltron Force."

She receives a harrumphing sound in answer. Some things never change, including her old governess' views on people she considers to be peasant class living in the castle and being anywhere near her charge. Allura walks over and places her hands on Nanny's shoulders, "I wish you would try to get along with them. They're strong and heroic as well as humble. Father would be proud to have them at his table."

Nanny's jaw tightens and her eyes narrow before she announces, "I promised to make them dinner, not like them."

That's a battle for another day. Allura glances at the time on one of the few grandfather clocks that still work in the old castle, "I better get ready."

"What you have on is perfectly acceptable."

For the hoodlums, Allura finishes for Nanny in her head. Trying hard not to smile, she leans over and kisses her governess' cheek, "I'll be back in time to help serve."

"Nonsense. You're a princess. You will sit and enjoy the meal. I can handle a simple dinner without help, thank you."

Another battle not worth fighting. Princess Allura walks out of the dining room and heads for her bedroom. She wants to be beautiful tonight for the boys. At least, she admits to herself, for one in particular.

xxxxxxxxxx

Staring at his reflection in the cracked mirror that hangs in his room, Keith's critical eyes move over his appearance. His hair is too long, like usual. Not that there's a barber on Arus to take care of it. It'd look a lot worse if he tried to hack at it himself. At least his uniform is clean and his razor still works. They'll need that supply ship from Earth soon or things might get interesting.

He glances at his watch. Time to go or he'll be late for dinner and that's the last thing Keith wants or needs. He moves over to the door and twists the handle only to have the knob come off in his hand. Swearing to himself, Keith tries to put it back on, only for the rest to push out. He hears it hit the floor on the other side. The swear words finally fly as his fist slams against the old wood.

Turning around, Keith's gaze moves around the room, searching for something to open the door with. Not much in here. Like everything else in his life, his room reflects his spartan lifestyle. Keith turns back to the door and considers it. If nothing else, maybe he can pull the pins from the hinges and open it that way?

Before he can do anything, Keith watches the spike of the handle being pushed back into the door then it turns. The door opens to reveal Sven, who arches an eyebrow at him, "Need some assistance?"

"Damn door," Keith mutters.

Sven takes the handle out and puts it back in the door on the other side, "Simple mechanics, my friend."

"That's how I got locked out of my room the first time."

Sven snorts with laughter.

Ignoring him, Keith moves forward, "Let's get to dinner."

He spots, but ignores the smile on his friend's face as they walk down the hall together. Forgetting the problems with his door, Keith's thoughts move not to dinner, but the woman hosting it. He knows better, but every time he sees the princess, his heart races. Doesn't matter how often he reminds himself that he's beneath her, Keith can't control his response to Princess Allura. A sigh escapes him before he can stop it.

"What?"

"Nothing," Keith says with a shake of his head. "Just thinking about everything that still needs to be done."

"Sure you're not thinking about a certain princess?"

Keith doesn't respond and keeps his features neutral even as he swears to himself. He's never admitted his feelings for the princess to anyone. But Sven has the uncanny ability to read him better than anyone else. The joys of being friends with someone for years.

Trying for a nonchalance he doesn't feel, Keith replies, "Why would I?"

The expression on Sven's face tells Keith what he thinks about that remark. Sven snorts, "Because she's a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul and you're as enchanted with her as she is with you."

"Nothing can come of it, so why bother?"

It's the closest Keith's ever come to admitting his feelings. Stupid thing to do, he tells himself because of course, Sven jumps on it.

"Why can't it?"

Time to shut down this conversation. "Try suggesting it to Nanny or Coran and then you'll have the answer to that question."

Another snort as they walk down the old stone steps together. "Some things are meant to be."

"I somehow doubt Princess and I having a relationship is one of them," Keith retorts.

Before Sven can give a glib reply, they hear, "Keith! Sven! Just in time."

Allura rushes up to them, "Coran's still busy up in the control room. I need an escort into dinner."

Keith doesn't have time to react as Sven gives her a short bow and takes a step back, leaving Keith in the hot seat. With no other choice, he holds out his arm and forces a smile on his face, "It would be my pleasure."

The smile on Allura's face could light up the entire room. At least, it has seared Keith's heart. Damn, if he could see that smile every day for the rest of his life, he'd die a happy man. They walk down the remaining hall together, Sven following behind. Glancing sideways, he finds a strange expression on Allura's face, one of expectation. Oh shit. She's looking for conversation, a compliment, something. His throat goes dry. Clearing it, Keith remarks, "You look beautiful tonight, Princess."

"Thank you, Commander. Might I return the compliment? You both look very nice in your uniforms."

"Thank you, Princess," Sven replies from behind them.

She smiles back at him as they approach the dining room doors, "I can't wait for you all to taste dinner. Nanny's been working hard on it all day for you."

Keith glances back and shares an amused look with Sven. The governess made no bones about her opinion of them. Only to make the princess happy has she exuded this much effort on dinner. Turning his attention back to Allura, he finds her waiting for his reply. Smiling, he says, "I'm sure it will be great."

Another one of those blinding smiles. They enter the dining room, saving Keith from making a total idiot of himself. Soft music fills the air from the three musicians across the room. Upon further inspection, Keith finds Hunk, Lance and Pidge already seated at the table. At his arched eyebrow, they stop talking and rise from their seats to stand at attention. Keith leads Allura to the chair at the head of the table then pulls it out for her. He pushes it in as she sits then finds himself in a quandary. Sven stands at the chair across from the other three. This leaves Keith the option to use the chair at the far end of the table that Coran normally uses or the seat next to the princess. Cursing his friend, Keith pulls his chair out and nods to the others. Once everyone sits, the door to the kitchen opens to reveal the governess pushing a cart.

Taking a moment to examine the table, Keith feels his chest tighten. What the hell do they need so many forks, knives and spoons for? When the hell do you use them? Formal dining wasn't something covered in his years of training at the Academy.

Nanny stops next to the princess' chair, takes the lid from one of the serving bowls and says, "Coran messaged me to serve dinner without him. He'll be here as soon as he can."

She lifts the large tureen from the tray within one arm and picks up the ladle. Approaching Allura, she asks, "Soup?"

"Thank you, Nanny."

Following Allura's cue, Keith picks up his napkin and places it across his lap. He watches the governess ladle soup into the top most bowl before turning toward him. Keith responds in a similar fashion when asked about the soup, "Yes, ma'am."

He ignores the sarcastic harrumph and instead checks on his men. They all seem to be copying the princess, picking up the spoon to the far right. With an inward sigh, Keith readies himself for a long night.

xxxxxxxxxx

Setting her fork on her plate to signal she's done with the main course, Allura looks around the table. The boys eat quietly, as if absorbed with the meal. Her gaze drifts to Hunk, who drains his wine glass then reaches for the decanter. Allura tries not to cringe and reminds herself the boys aren't used to this kind of dining.

Still, it strikes her as strange that they aren't talking. They started out chatting with the soup course and grew more quiet as the meal continued. Her gaze drifts to Keith. His expression strikes Allura as strange, almost dreamy. And she'd never describe Keith Kogane's expression that way. He's always alert, his mind going a million miles an hour. Now, he stares off into space as he chews his food. Once he swallows the bite, Keith smiles then takes another bite. Leaning closer, Allura looks into his eyes. While always dark, they're completely black, as if the pupils are fully dilated.

Her concern growing, Allura moves onto Sven. He hums along with the music while his fork stands in for a conductor's baton. Gasping, she looks across the table at Pidge. He's using one hand to eat while his other hand holds one of the many devices he always seems to have on him. Something Keith would normally berate him for. Pidge mutters something to himself then drops the fork in the middle of the plate to press some buttons. Ending with Lance, Allura knows something has gone terribly wrong. He's playing with the tongs of his fork, picking at them in time to the music.

The door to the kitchen opens and Nanny arrives with the dessert cart. Allura rises from her seat and stops her, "Nanny, something's wrong with the boys."

Nanny stops the cart and looks around the table. Her eyes narrow, "How much wine have they had?"

"Outside of Hunk? Not much. I don't think Keith and Sven have taken more than a few sips."

Before Nanny can reply, the fork in Lance's hand goes flying across the table and hits Keith in the face. Keith bounds out of his chair, sending it flying backward behind him. His eyes flash with fire and he yells, "I'll slice you into…into…beef!"

Allura pauses, "Beef?"

The table erupts. Lance howls with laughter and falls backward out of his chair. Keith flies across the table at him, knocking the dishes to the floor and disappearing on the other side.

Pidge hits his device against the table then asks it, "Can I put goggles on the dog?"

Unconcerned with the chaos in front of him, Sven rises and walks to the double windows. He stares out for a moment then looks back to say, "There's a three-headed flying werewolf in that tree."

Hunk joins him, "Where? I'll defeat it with kitten magic!"

"Kitten magic?" Sven crosses his arms across his chest, "What's that going to do?"

His hands curl into fists as Hunk faces Sven, "Kittens are scary, magical beasts that frighten werewolves. Everyone knows that."

Pidge joins them by the window. He spares the window a glance then pushes his glasses up on his nose and resumes typing on his handheld computer, "That's just a legend."

"No," Hunk denies with a shake of his head, "they said it was a legend, but I know it's real."

Frightened, Allura reaches for her governess' hand, "Nanny, what's going on here?"

The governess looks from one man to the next, confused, "I do not know."

Lance rises from the other side of the table and ambles toward them with blood streaming from his nose and lip. Stopping in front of them with a goofy smile on his face, he weaves back and forth, "I can still see without a face." His expression turns dumbfounded. He reaches up to touch his nose, "Can't I?"

Her hand covers her mouth. Allura watches as Nanny steps in front of her to protect her and holds up the serving spoon in her hand menacingly, "You need to go sit down, Lieutenant."

That goofy smile returns, "You know, Nanny? You're kind of coot…I mean…cute." He takes a step closer, "We should go back to my room." As Nanny spits and sputters with indignation, Lance finishes in a smooth tone, "I'm gonna ride you like a turkey."

Allura's eyes widen to the size of saucers. Never has she heard someone speak to her governess like that. Apparently, neither has Nanny. The spoon in her hand goes flying and smacks Lance upside the head. He hits the floor in front of them and doesn't move.

"NANNY!"

Allura moves around the older woman and kneels beside Lance, calling his name. He moans and rolls to his side. She looks back at her governess, "Did you have to do that?"

"What is going on in here?"

In the doorway stands Coran. Allura gestures to him, "Something's wrong with the boys."

Coran walks into the room, his bushy moustache moving with his concentration as he observes the room's occupants. Lance rolls onto his back with a groan, his hand moving to the side of his head. Sven, Hunk and Pidge continue their argument about kittens near the window. Keith rises from the other side of the table, weaving on his feet. He walks toward the musicians then falls over, causing them to scatter and ending the evening's entertainment. Allura rises and stands beside Coran, "I don't know what happened."

"The wine?"

Allura shakes her head, "Nanny asked that too, but the only one who really drank anything was Hunk."

He shares a look with Nanny, "Something in the food?"

"Only basic ingredients. We have little else."

"What could it be?" Allura asks, desperate to understand what could have gone wrong.

"Well, they are Terran, not Arusian. Could be their systems react differently to Arusian food."

"What do we do?" Allura asks, her hands clasping together with worry.

"Get them to their rooms and let them sleep it off," Coran says. He gives her a sharp look, "Pray to the gods that Lotor doesn't attack tonight."

She doesn't have a chance to say or do anything else. Coran takes charge by moving forward and uses his authoritative voice, "Voltron Force!"

The talking stops as Hunk, Pidge and Sven face him. Keith manages to rise to his feet and snaps to attention, his hand moving in a salute, "Sir!"

Allura rushes across the room to steady him as Keith wavers on his feet. With her arm around Keith's waist, she watches as Coran orders them, "I think you've had enough fun for one evening. Everyone to bed."

Step by slow step, Allura helps Keith across the room. She stops next to Coran, "I won't be able to get him to his room."

"I'll take care of him, Princess," Coran says, relieving her of her burden by wrapping his arm around Keith's waist and taking her place. "Why don't you retire for the evening as well."

Another moan rises from the floor. Allura gestures down, "What about Lance?"

Coran's amused gaze drifts down, "I'll come back for him. Do not worry."

Hunk stops in front of them and declares with a huge smile on his face, "I can cut down a thousand trees with my teeth."

Sven snorts as he walks past him, "And I am queen of the goats."

Bringing up the rear, Pidge continues to mess with his computer as he walks. He steps over Lance's moaning form and remarks, "You guys don't make good choices," before leaving the room.

In a huff, Nanny pushes the dessert cart back into the kitchen and leaves the room. At Coran's raised brow, Allura nods to him and follows the others out of the room. So much for the evening being perfect.

xxxxxxxxxx

The next morning:

Approaching the dining room at a snail's pace, Keith keeps a hand against his head in a futile attempt to stop the pounding. What he wouldn't give for a cup of strong coffee and a bottle of aspirin. An entire damn bottle. A litany of swear words escape him in a whisper. Anything louder would only add to the pain.

He enters the dining room and stops in his tracks. The bright light streaming from the window causes a sharp strike of pain in his forehead. Placing a hand in front of his eyes to block the light, Keith demands, "Someone close those damn curtains."

"Do not touch my curtains."

Nanny's sharp retort reverberates into Keith's ears. He stops next to a chair and grabs onto the back to steady himself. Dropping his hand, he finds the governess standing next to the kitchen door with her hands on her hips and her eyes glaring daggers at him. Trying to sound contrite, Keith says, "Sorry, Nanny."

She harrumphs then enters the kitchen, the door swinging behind her.

Sitting down before he falls down, Keith notices the others at the table. Sven sits with his head in his hands. Hunk's chin rests against his chest, his eyes closed as he sleeps. Even Pidge looks worse for wear, his glasses pushed on top of his head and his hand covering his eyes. Reaching Lance, Keith stops cold, "What the hell happened to you?"

Holding a cold pack against his swollen cheek, Lance glances back at him through the only eye that's not swollen shut and mumbles past a fat lip, "I have no idea, but my head's killing me."

"I don't remember much from last night either," Sven says, raising his head. "What the hell was in that wine?"

"I don't know, but it feels like I drank an entire bottle of Everclear," Keith replies.

The door to the kitchen opens and Nanny enters carrying a pot. She approaches the table and sets it down with a bang, causing all five men to groan. She removes the ladle, "No more Arusian food for you. I found this in your supplies."

She slams the ladle against the bowl in front of Lance, the brown porridge unappetizing even from where Keith sits. Swallowing hard against the bile rising, Keith clears his throat then asks, "Nanny, what is that?"

"I found it amongst your Terran rations." She moves to Hunk's bowl and gives the bowl in front of him a resounding hit with the ladle, "I read the label. It has ground oats and fiber. Just what recovering young men need." She gives him an evil smile, "Should stick to the belly."

Keith keeps his thoughts about the oatmeal to himself. There's a reason the oatmeal hasn't been used yet. It's about the most disgusting thing the Garrison sends in the field kits. Especially since it has no flavor. Garrison doesn't include luxury items like cinnamon or honey. They only care about filling up their bellies, not about how it tastes. They only eat it when it's the only thing left.

Nanny finishes moving around the table, taking care to ring the ladle as hard as she can against Keith's bowl. As his ears ring with the sound, he wonders what Coran would do to him if he threw Nanny out the window.

"Good morning, Voltron Force."

Keith's blurry eyes drift over to Coran as he approaches the table. The advisor takes his seat at the head of the table, "I'm glad to see you all up and moving this morning."

"Coran, what the hell happened last night?"

Thank God Sven asked the question since Keith doesn't trust his stomach not to revolt if he opens his mouth. Keith shoves the offending bowl of oatmeal as far away from him as possible then turns to Coran, waiting for the answer.

The bushy mustache trembles with the smile Coran tries and fails to conceal. He clears his throat then says, "Let's just say your Terran bodies don't appear to deal with Arusian food well."

"Understatement of the year," Pidge mutters from the end of the table.

"I've taken the liberty of contacting Galaxy Garrison and suggested they put a rush on that supply order your requested, Commander. Your team requires substance that won't…disagree…with you."

Keith could kiss the man. Coming from the Arusian Advisor, Garrison should get that supply run sent out sooner rather than later as Keith expected it would.

"In the meantime," Coran continues, "I suggest you stick with whatever rations you have left." He pours himself a cup of juice and finishes, "Unless you like to end up on the floor, babbling and drooling."

"I did that?" Keith asks, forgetting about his queasy stomach as the thought of embarrassing himself in front of the princess causes a wave of panic.

"Not you, no." Coran answers with a swift glance to the other side of the table.

Following his glance, Keith finds Lance has moved the ice pack from the side of his face to his forehead, blocking his eyes. His chin rests in his other hand, holding his head up. Quiet snores escape him as he sleeps at the table.

Laughter bursts out of Coran drawing Keith's attention back to him. Coran raises his juice cup and says, "To the Voltron Force!"

He receives a chorus of moans and groans in answer. Giving up, Keith drops his arms to the table and lays his head down on them. Closing his eyes, he mutters, "To the Voltron Force…"

 **FINIS**

Ok, back to the explanation. So, I've been following a blog by the author, Chuck Wendig. Awesome author and quite humorous at times. Each week, he posts a flash fiction challenge. Toward the end of May, his challenge was called: Flash Fiction Challenge: Kids Say The Darnderniest Things. In the post, he listed ten phrases his five year old son has uttered over time. Hilarious stuff. I managed to use all ten phrases in this story, which is much longer than the 1000 character limit, but I wanted to do it proud!

Feel free to Google the post name if you want to read the entire thing, it's easy to find.

Hope you enjoyed the story.

thanks!

Mertz


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